i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
