Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize