Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
