Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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