my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
