watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
