I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
where are you?
Hypothermia
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i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
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Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize