Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
