that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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