Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
