so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
