Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
