Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
