you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize