So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
