Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
