just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
