I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
