Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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