and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
