We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Maybe he injected his testicle?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
