dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
