You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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