my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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