Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am naked and annoyed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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