glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
