they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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