i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
