3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
