piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
