I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
