You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
