i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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