The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
