come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
