So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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