have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
