I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
