i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
