Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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