I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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