It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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