So drunk its hurt
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
