we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
