Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
