am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
