They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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