life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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