i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
pop tarts are not kleenex
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
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Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
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This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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