Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm always down for nudity.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
