you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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