Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
