trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
