my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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