Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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