Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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