Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
