I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just sent this text using only my big toe
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize