This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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