do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
