this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
