Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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