Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
