Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
